Unveiling Chaos Read online

  “Yeah?” My voice was hoarse with lust as I imagined her with some ink. “Where?”

  “Well I don’t actually know yet. I was hoping the expert could help me decide.”

  I smiled as my eyes met hers. “‘Course, sweetheart.”

  “Great. So you’ll help me set up an appointment with Claire?” Naomi asked with mock innocence as she gave me a sugary sweet smile, which I wiped off her face when I launched myself at her and kissed her hard.

  “You’re a little bit of a pain in the ass, you know that?”

  “Aw, babe. Don’t say such nice things. It’ll go to my head.” Naomi laughed.

  My smile widened as I gave her a quick peck. “You really want some ink?”

  Nodding, she withdrew from my arms and reached for a piece of paper in her nightstand. I took it from her and carefully opened it to reveal the drawing within. It wasn’t a great sketch, but I’d definitely seen worse. It was a very simple, yet colorful illustration of a nebula. It was oval shaped, with strays of color extending beyond the border, and roughly the size of a dollar bill. The light colors made the black writing easy to see as I traced the letters with my fingers.

  In all chaos there is a cosmos.

  I was silent for several more moments as I looked it over. I could feel Naomi next to me, vibrating with excitement and curiosity. Keeping my smirk hidden, I continued to stare until Naomi couldn’t take it anymore and slapped my arm.

  “Well? What do you think?” she asked as she knelt in front of me.

  “It’s pretty kick-ass.” She beamed at my compliment before kissing me on the cheek. “But, I think I could make it better.”

  Scowling, she pulled away and took it from my hands before examining it. She shook her head emphatically and said, “Nope. It’s as good as it can get. Not even the universe could make a better one.”

  Shaking my head, I smiled down at her. “We’ll see.” I paused, remembering something I’d wanted to talk to her about earlier. “Hey, so, I was thinking.”

  “That’s dangerous,” she said, forcing me to lightly pinch her ass. Rubbing the affected spot, she lifted her eyebrows in question.

  “So even though we’ve been dating for weeks, I haven’t taken you out on a proper date.”

  “Hmm… you haven’t, have you?”

  “Nope, and I think it’s time to rectify that. Especially since you just got accepted to law school. Plus, who I am to deprive you of what will be the best date of your life?”

  “The best, huh?”

  Gently rubbing her back, I said, “Well I haven’t been on many, but I’m confident I will be fantastic at it.”

  She smiled before her expression flattened and she bolted upright. “Shit. My acceptance letter.”

  I laughed as she jumped from the bed and streaked out of the room, completely naked. Returning seconds later, she was hugging the envelope to her bare breasts as she hopped back in bed.

  “I can’t wait for someone to ask you how you celebrated your first acceptance letter into law school.”

  She pulled the letter out and stared at it with a huge smile on her face. “I’ve been accepted to others.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fine. I hope someone asks you about this one, since everyone knows you’re dead set to go there.” We both ignored the heavy silence that followed, the tension that flowed through the room.

  “Are you going to tell your mom?” I asked as a diversion.

  Naomi froze, and when her eyes met mine there wasn’t the anger or resentment I’d come to expect when discussing her mother. She was more… nervous, which had me smiling again.

  “Why are you smiling?” Her expression turned suspicious.

  I shook my head and forced a neutral expression. There was absolutely no way I was going to tell her that her anxiety had me grinning because I realized how much she trusted me. Being the stubborn woman she was, she would build her walls ten times higher just to spite me. And I had to fight a second smile when she merely let it go and didn’t argue with me like she normally would.

  Blowing out a breath, she wrapped the sheet around her, covering everything up, and crawled to sit next to me as I leaned against the headboard. She leaned her head against my shoulder as I put my arm around her and pulled her closer, the letter sitting in her lap.

  “You should show her.” I nodded to the letter before placing a kiss on her temple. “I think she’d really like to see it.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I could come with you, if you need me to?”

  Naomi gave me a soft smile before dropping a quick kiss against my chest. “Thanks… but I don’t think I need you to. And as much as I’d love having you there, I think I’d like it to just be my mom and me.”

  I smiled as I held her even tighter. I would have gone with her in a heartbeat if she needed me to, but I was beyond relieved that she was starting to accept her mother more fully. It was a relief she wanted me there, but didn’t actually need me there.

  I love her.

  It came at me swift, and had I not been sitting down, it surely would have knocked me on my ass. Nothing else could explain this extreme sense of rightness, of fullness.

  People talked about love and need like they went hand-in-hand, like if you didn’t absolutely need this one person in your life, you must not love them. But that never made sense to me. If I loved someone, why would I wish upon them the burden of needing me? It was an unfortunate fact of life that it was fleeting. And if she needed me and I was gone tomorrow, where would that leave her? It would leave her unable to move on.

  Love shouldn’t be about needing a person. Love should be about wanting a person. It shouldn’t be a crutch, people should be able to walk tall without it, even if it was hard to do. And I knew that both Naomi and I would be able to.

  But we didn’t want to. That’s what made it love. Despite all the struggles, that was what it boiled down to.

  I wanted her.

  She wanted me.

  And as long as we kept fighting for what we wanted, nothing would tear us down.

  I was lying on the couch, flipping through a magazine I ordered my knitting supplies through when Alara said, “You should call her,” parroting Damien’s words from a couple weeks ago. There had been a few group lunches and dinners since our first lunch over two weeks ago, but it had always been the four of us. My mom and I had never been alone, and I could tell that it was something she was longing for. It was in her eyes every time she looked at me.

  “And say what?”

  My best friend raised her eyebrows. “You need help finding something to say? Quick, let’s write this day down.”

  “Ha ha. You’re hilarious,” I deadpanned.

  “Say anything.” She shrugged. “You could read her the phone book and she’d be completely enthralled and willing to stay on the phone for five hours.”

  I laughed; she was probably right.

  “You could tell her about Yale,” she said quietly. “I don’t know why you haven’t told anyone else. She’d be excited.”

  “I know,” I responded as I stared at the phone sitting next to me. The only people who knew were Alara, Gabe, and Damien. I hadn’t even told Derek yet. Some part of me must have known I was staying, that I wouldn’t leave Damien and Ellie behind. It was always going to be difficult to leave Alara, Derek, Sherry, and even Gabe. But the pain associated with the thought of leaving Damien and Ellie never waned, and I knew I couldn’t do it. But it didn’t feel like I was sacrificing my dream like I’d thought it would. Law school had been the dream, Yale was just the icing on the cake. I could live without it. I couldn’t live without Damien, and if I left, I’d always wonder what could have been.

  Without giving it any more thought, I got off the couch and quickly dialed her number. I was pressing send and holding the phone to my ear as I walked toward my bedroom.

  “Naomi?” she answered immediately. “What’s wrong?” The panic was evident in her voice.

  “Nothing, nothing,”
I rushed to assure her. My eyes landed on my jewelry box across the room.

  “Oh.” She let out a breath and I heard a chair squeak like she just sat down. “And Derek’s okay?” It sounded as though a little bit of her anxiety had returned, but nowhere near as bad as before. Like she knew everything was okay, but she had to keep asking because she couldn’t believe the alternative: that I’d voluntarily called. It was a first, Derek had been the one organizing everything the last few weeks.

  “Derek’s great.” I paused and the awkward tension hung in the air as I stood in the doorway and glanced back at Alara, who gave me an encouraging thumbs-up. I gave her a small smile and walked fully into my room before shutting the door. “Do you want to have dinner again?”

  “With Mark and your brother?”

  I shrugged and then rolled my eyes when I remembered she couldn’t see me. “Yeah, or we could go out just the two of us. Whatever.”

  “I-I would love to,” my mom stuttered. “Did you want to go tonight? We could do dinner and a movie if it’s not too much. I’m supposed to have dinner with Mark, but I’ll gladly cancel. He’d understand and I—”

  I laughed when she had to cut herself off because she ran out of air. “No, not tonight. I have some work I need to get done. But I’d like to see you, tell you about… well, everything.”

  She was silent and I heard a sniffle before she came back on the line. “Yes, yes. Of course. I’d love that. Just let me know. I’ll cancel any and everything. Just say the word, Naomi.”

  “Will do. I’ll call you later.”

  We hung up and I found myself tracing the fleur-de-lis on the cover of my jewelry box. After a few minutes, I pulled my hand away and gently touched my four-leaf clover necklace secured around my neck. I’d been wearing it every day since I drunkenly went to Swerved looking for Damien.

  Alara was wearing a goofy smile when I walked back out.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I’m just happy. I was worried when things ended with Caleb…” She shook her head before turning fully toward me. “But now you have Damien. And I mean… it seems like you guys are getting pretty serious, yeah?”

  I frowned. “It’s not too soon, is it? I wasn’t even looking—”

  “Since when do people find the one when they’re looking for them?” my best friend asked with a smirk. It dissolved into a frown as she thought about something. “What are you going to do about Yale?”

  “I don’t think I can go.” My voice was quiet as I thought over my options. “I never thought I’d be in this position. I never thought I’d be one of those girls who would choose a boy over her career. But I didn’t understand then what this would feel like.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with making that choice if that’s what will make you happy.” Her expression softened and I followed her gaze to my necklace. “I know you’re scared. And you don’t always trust people.”

  “That’s not true.”

  She raised an eyebrow as she crossed her arms and leaned further back. “Can I be honest with you?”

  “For the record, I hope honest is the only thing you ever are.”

  “I think he’s perfect for you,” she said, glossing right over my statement.

  “Is this payback for me bugging you about Gabe last semester?” I teased.

  “Yes. I’m paying back the favor you did me last semester.”

  I smiled as I moved my charm back and forth on the chain. “Well, thank you. But I don’t need convincing.”

  We were both beaming when she responded, “Good.” Alara paused. “Because I didn’t really have anything else,” she finished on a laugh.

  We spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around watching movies, and I felt settled in a way I hadn’t in a long time. I had a boyfriend I was in love with, a best friend who was the happiest she’d ever been, and my mom was finally clean and back in my life.

  Things weren’t perfect. We still needed to get Sherry to open up and trust us. I still needed to completely smooth things over with Derek. And I needed to put everything on the table where Damien was concerned.

  But despite all the things that still needed to be taken care of, I couldn’t remember a time when everything felt so in place.

  Finally, things were looking up.

  “Why is it so cold in here all the time?” Ellie asked as she shivered and worked her teeth in a chatter. She was sitting on the couch, bundled up in fleece pajama bottoms and a sweatshirt, as she ate her cereal. I shrugged while hiding a secret smile.

  Truth? I’d started keeping the temperature a little lower a few weeks ago, once Naomi began staying over with more regularity. Ellie loved turning a fan on at night so she could have the pleasure of bundling up under a blanket and I never understood that. But I was starting to get it a little more. If asked, I’d deny it, but I lowered the temperature when I discovered the pleasure of having Naomi wrapped around me at night. It felt indescribably good to wake up with her snuggled against my side.

  “No clue,” I responded. Ellie never paid attention to anything home related, hell, she probably didn’t even know where the thermostat was in our tiny apartment. But I did know my sister was usually colder than the average person. She was always the one who needed to bring an extra jacket, “just in case.”

  I was sitting at our tiny kitchen table, drinking coffee, when Naomi shuffled out of my room five minutes later in my black boxers and her black form-fitting tank top—sans bra. My mouth watered as my gaze zeroed in on her erect nipples. Now I was very grateful for lowering the temperature.

  “Oh geez,” Ellie groaned. I looked over to see her eyes flying between my girlfriend’s breasts and me, and I could tell she thought she had figured it out. Fine. I’d rather her think I was a perv than some sap. Rolling her eyes, she set her bowl on the coffee table before making her way to her bedroom.

  Naomi put her nose near her armpit before raising an eyebrow at me. “Do I smell?” she asked before she got out the butter, milk, and eggs.

  I smiled, rising and walking to the stove, where I wrapped my arms around her from behind. She gently placed her hands on my forearms before melting into my embrace and tipping her head back against my shoulder.

  “Hey.” Her eyes slid closed as I placed a soft kiss against her neck. She shivered and blindly turned her head toward me, searching. Naomi moaned into my mouth when I fused our lips together. The kiss felt endless, and yet entirely too short as she pulled away and started making breakfast.

  My sister returned moments later wrapped in her comforter, giving me a pointed glare.

  “Hey, Ellie.” Naomi turned and threw her a bright smile before pointing to the pan with her spatula. “Want some eggs?”

  “No, thank you. I have my cereal.” Ellie held up the bowl as proof before diving back in and turning up the volume on the TV.

  “So… how’s Grayson?”

  I froze in my seat. I was back at the table and Naomi shot me a pointed look to stay out of it.

  Yeah, that wasn’t happening. I swiveled in my seat so I was looking directly at Ellie. Her face was beet red and her eyes were wide as she looked back and forth between us. Brows raised, I waited for an answer.

  My sister cleared her throat and shifted in her seat. “Uh… good?”

  “When are you hanging out again?”

  Her eyes flew to mine once more. Naomi turned around and nodded toward her with a smile, saying go ahead.

  “H-he said he’d help me go shopping for some baby stuff tomorrow.”

  “That’s great! You guys—”

  “Can I have a word?” I interrupted my girlfriend, who was practically beaming.

  “Nope.”

  “Watch the eggs, Ells.” I gently gripped Naomi’s arm and steered her toward my bedroom. She was laughing as I shoved her through.

  “What are you doing?” I hissed.

  “I was making breakfast.”

  “Cute.” My tone became low and serious, trying to avoid Ellie’s ea
rs. “Why are you pushing her toward him?”

  Hers became just as solemn. “Why are you trying to keep them apart? You think she’s not good enough for him?” From the twinkle in her eye, I knew she knew that was not the reason.

  “That’s complete bullshit, and you know it.” Putting my hands on her shoulders, I rubbed them affectionately. “Grayson… he’s different. He’s married to his job. I don’t know if he has time for anyone. He’s being nice and helping her out, and I just don’t want her to get the wrong idea. That would just hurt her more.”

  Naomi nodded, her eyes sad. She’d never seen them interact; hell, neither had I. But I was positive Grayson would stay away, I’d dropped many non-subtle hints the past few weeks and he’d always discretely nodded after.

  “You’re still overbearing,” she mumbled against my chest as I pulled her in for a hug.

  “You love it.” We both froze as my words sank in. Neither of us had said it yet, and I didn’t know why. I was positive she felt the same way, so what was I waiting for?

  “Yeah,” she murmured a minute later. I pulled back and looked down at her. I had no idea what I did to deserve her, but I vowed that a day wouldn’t go by where she didn’t know how much I loved her. Starting today.

  “Naomi, I lo—”

  “We never talked about Yale,” she said suddenly.

  I froze once more. The truth was, I hadn’t known what to say. I knew I wanted Naomi since the beginning, but I’d never considered that she could be leaving. And I really didn’t see how I could leave. Ellie was here, my jobs, connections I’d made regarding purchasing my own tattoo studio someday…

  Nothing about my life suggested I could just up and leave.

  “I know”—I paused, swallowing roughly—“but what’s there to say?” How could I ask her to stay? How could I let her leave? There was no easy solution.

  She looked stricken. “I don’t know,” she responded, pulling away from me.

  Sorrow seeped into my bones. I had been a syllable away from telling her I loved her, and now we were discussing her leaving me. She never mentioned she would consider staying, but she seemed disappointed when I didn’t immediately beg her to. But…