Unveiling Chaos Read online

  Those thoughts were on repeat as I drove to the restaurant to have dinner with my mom, Mark, and Derek. It would be hard, and I was terrified, but I wanted to let my mother back in. I wanted it so badly, I ached at the thought of not being able to.

  It had been three days since I’d seen her and left her crying on the stoop of her house. I’d never regretted anything more. She must have told my brother not to mention it, because Derek’s invitation to dinner tonight was polite and controlled. And while I should have been grateful he hadn’t yelled at me, I wasn’t. I’d deserved to be yelled at.

  When I arrived, I walked in and zeroed in on them immediately. The three of them sitting there like every other happy family, like they did this every Friday night. I felt nauseous as a ball of nerves weighed heavily on my stomach.

  You promised you’d try. You want to try.

  Throwing my shoulders back, I made my way to the corner table.

  “Naomi,” my mom all but shouted as she stood to greet me.

  Try.

  Try.

  Try.

  “Hey guys.” I threw out an awkward wave as I made eye contact with Mark, Derek, and then my mom. When she stepped forward and slightly opened her arms, I could see defeat in her eyes, like she wasn’t actually expecting me to hug her. And I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about dodging her advances, but one look at Derek’s and Mark’s hopeful faces and I decided one hug wouldn’t hurt.

  “Hi Mom,” I said softly before wrapping my arms around her. Her arms immediately mirrored mine and she gave me a soft squeeze. I met my brother’s gaze over her shoulder, and he mouthed “thank you” before turning his attention to the menu in front of him. Mark was beaming as his own eyes made their way to his menu. I gave her an awkward pat on the back before she released me. Her smile practically overpowered her face it was so large. She took my hands and stepped back, giving me a once-over.

  “You look beautiful, Naomi.”

  Feeling a little too much, I nodded before removing my hands and quickly depositing my ass in the chair next to Derek.

  “I’m glad you could make it.”

  “Me too,” Mark chimed in. “I hope this could be a do-over, I didn’t like how our last encounter ended.”

  “Emotions were running pretty high, it’s no big deal.” I waved him off.

  “No, it is,” he said in earnest. “You’re one of the two most important things in her life, and that means you’re important to me as well.”

  My mother smiled as she settled her hand in the crook of his tattooed elbow and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. “So… anything new?” my mom asked when she turned back around and her eager gaze flickered between my brother and me.

  Derek stayed silent, and I could only presume it was to give me time to share. After all, they’d been seeing each other regularly for a few months, she probably already knew a hell of a lot more about him than she did about me.

  “Well… I have a new boyfriend,” I threw out. It seemed safe enough.

  “That’s right. Derek told me about what happened with Caleb. I’m awfully sorry, sweetie.” She placed her hand over mine and gave it a squeeze. “But you’re better off without him.”

  “That’s what all the magazines say.” Shrugging, I continued, “But honestly it really was for the best.”

  “Naomi’s being particularly magnanimous about this whole thing,” Derek said bitterly as he stabbed his knife through the loaf of bread on the table.

  Our mother nodded thoughtfully. “I think that’s good.” Derek opened his mouth to argue, but she spoke again before he could. “It’s important for us to realize that even good people can make mistakes. And if you truly love someone you should be able to forgive them if their heart was in the right place.”

  Derek’s eyes softened and mine narrowed. But it wasn’t in suspicion. Yes, it was obvious that she was imparting a double meaning with her speech. If I could forgive Caleb, why not her? I didn’t have an answer.

  “How exactly does him sticking his dick in someone else translate to his heart being in the right place?” I asked.

  The waiter, of course, chose that exact moment to come over. My mother blushed like a schoolgirl as she ducked her head behind her menu and Mark chuckled at her reaction.

  “Good evening,” he said slowly, already unsure what to make of us. “I’m Aaron and I’ll be taking care of you folks this evening. Can I start you all with something to drink?” We each gave our orders before he promptly turned away.

  “You did that on purpose,” my mom hissed at me.

  I actually hadn’t, it was just extremely good timing. But I didn’t tell her that, I simply smirked and nodded like it had been my plan all along. I looked down at my menu while Derek began teasing our mother. My mind was whirling as I stared at the words without actually reading them. Looking up, I saw the three of them laughing, noticing that Derek held nothing back. He acted like no time had passed, like no wrongs were done.

  I smiled at one of his jokes, and as we all sat there with picture-perfect smiles, laughing without a care in the world, I wondered if we looked like a normal family to everyone else. And I wondered how many families I saw and thought, wow, they’re normal, I wish we were like them, were actually struggling, too? Were we normal simply because we did have problems? And were we a success simply because we chose to overlook them and come out and have fun together, anyway?

  My smile grew as I realized all the things I’d missed out on as a kid, were suddenly right in front of me. The stupid jokes and the loud laughter, being surrounded by good food and people you loved. All these little things that happy families took for granted, but I would’ve killed for as a child.

  I used to think this was something my mother took from Derek and me. But as I watched easy laughter pour from her, I realized she’d missed this, too. It seemed obvious now, but I’d never really thought about the fact that she might have wanted this. That maybe she hadn’t willingly gone to drugs, but rather they just snuck up on her. Or that sometimes horrible things happened, and no one was to blame. And that sometimes, you could fight your hardest, and sadly, you still lost.

  My mother lost more times than I could count. But she always kept fighting. And up until that moment, I’d never really thought about why she kept fighting. I’d seen her high often enough to know she enjoyed it, so why had she always been trying to stop, if it hadn’t been for us?

  Her gaze locked on mine, with a hopeful and insecure smile aimed my way, and I realized I had two options. I could dwell on the past and what we’d lost, or I could celebrate all the wonderful things we’d gotten back, a miracle that not all families were blessed with.

  My gaze was steady on hers as I reached my hand out to my wonderfully imperfect mother. She took it without hesitation. And with a wide smile and a soft squeeze, I made my decision.

  I was smiling as Damien and I walked through the front door of my apartment.

  “Alara?” I called out. We both paused in the entryway and listened for noise, only to be met with blissful silence. Damien immediately began kissing my neck as he shut the door. I tilted my head, giving him more access while we slowly shuffled forward. I had just started to turn around when a large envelope caught my eye. It was separate from the other mail, letting me know that Alara took special care with it. The 8 x 11 envelope stood against a vase of flowers that hadn’t been there this morning, all sitting on our kitchen table. I gulped as Damien continued his soft kisses, completely unaware of everything else.

  “Oh my God,” I breathed, a large smile forming.

  “Mm-hmmm…” he murmured, moving his kisses up my throat until he reached my ear, gently biting the lobe before swirling his tongue to ease the nonexistent sting.

  “No, no.” I swatted at the hands that had settled on my hips and rushed out of his arms. Picking the envelope up, I whirled around and held it out to him. He wordlessly read over the return address from Yale Law School before the largest smile I’d ever s
een lit up his face.

  “Congratulations!” He swept me up in a hug, lifting me from the ground and twirling us around. We both laughed at the ridiculousness of it, or maybe it was simply pure joy. I pulled back when we slowed down and looked into his carefree eyes. Feeling my feet touch the ground, I unwound my arms from around his neck and looked down at my ticket into law school. And not just any law school, but the law school I’d wanted to go to for as long as I could remember.

  Yale had been more than a dream, it had been an escape. I never doubted I’d get in. I knew I was smart enough, I just had to make sure I worked hard. And I did. I put everything into making it happen. I researched what I would need to succeed and I’d been chasing it down ever since.

  My smile wobbled and nearly dropped when I looked up into Damien’s proud gaze once more. It was intense and so… loving, I almost couldn’t breathe. And suddenly the package in my hand no longer felt like a weightless piece of paper handing me my future. Instead it felt like a thousand-pound shackle.

  Caleb and I had just started dating when I decided to attend Yale, and while there had been a slight ache in my chest at the thought of leaving him, I knew I wouldn’t abandon my dream for a guy. I was not going to be that girl.

  But the idea of leaving Damien did more than cause a tiny ache. It felt like the Hulk used his giant, beefy, green fist to punch a hole in my heart, obliterating any chance of repairing the damage. And that was just at the thought of it. I couldn’t imagine the pain that would come with actually leaving the guy I loved.

  Oh shit.

  I love him.

  My heart simultaneously fell and soared; it was an odd contradiction, and that was how I knew I was in love with him. Because nothing made any sense, even while everything fell into place. I wanted to throw up as much as I wanted to smile wide. I wanted to run away and run toward him. I was nervous, but calm. Scared, but brave. And I felt ready, yet totally unprepared.

  How could I leave him?

  I honestly didn’t know how I was expected to leave this gorgeous man in front of me. This man who looked at me like I’d given him everything he could ever want, and like he was ready to give me the world in return.

  My breath caught as he leaned forward, and suddenly I had no thoughts. About leaving, or about anything else.

  “Congratulations,” he murmured once more before his mouth settled over mine, our tongues immediately tangling as the package fell from my hands and landed on the ground. He picked me up and I wound my legs around his waist, my fingers gripping his back and bunching his shirt as he stumbled and we crashed against the wall. A little puff of air traveled out of me and into him as I felt him harden against me. His mouth left mine to press whisper-soft kisses all over my face.

  “Damien.” I ran my hands down his chest and tried to lift his shirt. He nodded as he broke away and set me on the ground. Not wasting any more time, we both shed our clothes and Damien grabbed a condom out of his wallet. My boyfriend grabbed my hips and turned until he could perch me right on the edge of the kitchen table.

  Stepping back to look at me, he licked his lips as he wrapped his hand around his cock and slowly started pumping. I shivered and my fingers were aching from their grip on the table.

  “This isn’t very considerate… Alara eats on this table.” I tsked and shook my head at him, even as I shimmied backward. His hungry gaze roamed over me while he stepped forward and gripped my knees, gently prying them apart.

  “Well, technically, I’ll be eating in less than a minute.”

  I smirked. “Is that so?”

  Damien nodded, bringing one hand over my thigh to stroke me. “Mmmm… looks delicious.” I stared at his mouth as he bit his lip, like he had to restrain himself from diving down and eating me out. My breath caught as he started rubbing slow circles on my clit. “Also, it’s called Clorox, sweetheart.”

  Nodding, I said, “You’re right. Besides… I had the unfortunate”—I gasped as he hit a particularly tender spot—“experience of hearing Gabe finger her against Derek and Gabe’s counter… I can always bring that up if she gets all high and mighty.” My eyes closed for a second, and when I opened them again, Damien’s lips were a mere inch from mine.

  “I’m proud of you,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, the urgency from moments ago dwindling.

  “Thank you.” My voice was thick as I returned his embrace, tenderly rubbing my nose against his, causing him to smile. I released Damien’s hair from his rubber band before running my fingers through it and placing a soft kiss on his neck. When I pulled back, I brushed the hair that had fallen over his forehead back and looked into his dark blue eyes. We continued to stare at one another, his hands resting lightly against my hips while mine laid gently upon his shoulders. His eyes slowly closed as his hand came up and closed around one of mine before he brought our joined hands to his lips and kissed where they met.

  “You know…” He paused to give our hands one more kiss. “As much as I wouldn’t mind staying out here, I think I’d like to take you to a bed.” Damien interlaced our other hands, slowly pulling me off the table.

  Our eyes, hands, and hearts stay connected as he walked backward, leading me through my apartment until we reached my bedroom.

  “That’s another reason,” he said with a smirk as he nodded toward the door I’d just shut.

  “What?” I asked with puckered brows.

  “You’re too loud to be having sex in a room where your voice will carry.” He tapped his foot on the carpet. “You need a carpeted floor and a shut door.” Chuckling at his rhyme, he started forward but I disconnected our hands and backed up.

  “I already disproved that ridiculous theory.”

  Shaking his head, he taunted, “You could barely hold it in.” He was grinning from ear to ear as I strode forward, my hands connecting with his chest and shoving him back until he fell on the bed. And even though he was still wearing a distinct smirk, I saw all the warmth and tenderness in his eyes.

  Once again,

  And all at once,

  I fell.

  I soared.

  It was chaos.

  It was perfect.

  With our clothes abandoned in the kitchen, there was nothing stopping her warm, soft skin from rubbing up against mine.

  I could hardly think straight, but I did remember one very important thing, and I groaned in pain at the thought of it.

  “What?” Naomi panted, barely lifting her mouth off mine.

  “The condom,” I choked out. “It’s still on the kitchen table.”

  I saw her swallow as she very purposely sat up and took my length in her hand.

  We’d already had the discussion. She was on birth control and had only slept with her ex. They were each other’s firsts and never had any reason to get tested. I’d only slept with a handful of women, all over two years ago, and I’d gotten tested after the last one. And neither of us had ever gone without a condom anyways.

  I could see all this turning over in Naomi’s head just as it was turning over in mine. Because even though we’d had the conversation, we never actually had sex without one.

  “I’m fine with it if you are,” she whispered. Rapidly nodding, I leaned up, cupped the back of her head, and brought her already swollen lips to mine. We ran our hands over every inch of each other, caressing like we were erasing all the touches that had come before. It was successful. It felt like no one else existed before her, and I couldn’t imagine any one beyond her. Not that I’d ever have to, because I was never letting her go.

  My fingers weaved into her dark brown hair as I rolled on top of her. With my lips against her throat, I felt the hitch of her breath as I settled against her entrance. It felt like heaven when I slowly sank into her, and if my mouth had been capable of it, I would have smiled at the delicious sounds coming from her. But Naomi commanded my mouth, and it proved impossible.

  Eventually I broke away and stared down at her. We were celebrating her accepta
nce into Yale. Her dream that was all the way on the opposite side of the country. My features hardened as I focused on the physical, unable to think about a time when we’d have to make a long-distance relationship work.

  Everything was heightened as my bare cock slid in and out of her. Those sexy, breathy noises she made sounded more passionate, the fingers trailing down my back felt firmer, the kisses tasted sweeter, and the fresh scent of her wrapped around me until I felt dizzy with how immersed I was in her.

  We slowly climbed until there was nowhere left to go but back down. And together we fell.

  She screamed and came apart clutching my neck, while I groaned into her chest as my release powered through me.

  A few minutes later, we lay in each other’s arms, completely spent.

  “So…” she began as she tipped her head to look at me.

  I raised my eyebrows in question as she ran her fingers along my chest. When she didn’t continue I gave her a slap on the ass. Grinning, she propped herself up on an elbow and took my mouth in a hungry kiss before nibbling on my bottom lip. Her smile grew as she backed away from me until she was sitting at the end of the bed.

  My hungry gaze ran over her naked body as I catalogued every damn thing about her. Naomi’s head was cocked to the side as she gave me a knowing smirk. She brought her arms behind her, leaning back on her palms and pushing her deliciously full breasts out. Trailing across her tits and down her slightly rounded stomach, my eyes flared at the sight of the hair disappearing between her crossed legs. I licked my lips as she slowly uncrossed and opened them to reveal her glistening pussy that had been full of my tongue, fingers, and cock in the last hour. But fuck, I still wanted more. I’d always want more.

  I had been so focused on figuring out what to fill her up with, that I didn’t see her grabbing a T-shirt until she started pulling it over her head. I leaned forward and batted the offensive material out of her hands. She huffed but didn’t complain as she stayed naked.

  “So,” she repeated, drawing my eyes down to her wet lips. “I want a tattoo.”